A Dream Partner List

I envisioned my heart song. A penguin without a heart song is hardly a penguin at all.

(I don’t own the video rights of this wonderful movie below)

Writing a manifesto of the man I wanted in my 40-something life – are we serious right now? Yes, we are! Trust me when I say you are never to old to create intention in your life! I am always continuing to learn about my heart. And my future man, the “dream man” is a spark of new adventures. It is supposed to be exciting.

I haven’t met him yet. But, I can see him. I am visualizing his presence in my life and it is through this beautiful concoction that someone once said to me. They told me, Rebecca in order for you to see action, you need to internalize it, and have major bullet points on a projector or you won’t manifest it. They couldn’t have nailed me any better.

My list should be a perfect storm. A merger of the good and of the past I have learned and analyzed through. Because through my past I have grown. It doesn’t have to be a list that is untouchable. Unreal and unattainable lists for my future beau? Nope, see this list has NOTHING to do with him and more to do with me. I recognize the fact that I forgo so many things – because I dream right past the bullshit and allow every damn red flag through.

So here I am sharing with you a scary and very open part of my heart. It’s like saying here is a page of my dreams that I am watching for and hoping it will materialize. There are a million men that fit the bill. But, one – One will sweep me off my feet and I will know. This list is just a list. It can change, it can grow and it can have things eliminated. Why? Because like all lists they are meant to be checked off or removed.

I needed to determine what it was I wanted and what I could live with (or without) and what really mattered. I decided what flaws I could let slide because they were minor inconveniences and things that I could do without. Ps. some of these things (by nature) I would want to “fix.” This is the nurturer in me. I don’t need a project in a manpanion.

I did this to know my absolute core being — what love is right for me and help me to maintain the ability to refuse the areas I don’t want to compromise on. I learned to love myself first. I am brave, open and vulnerable. Here is my hearts’ song:

My Dream Man List (in no particular order)

You are funny. You must be engaging and hilarious. It can never be malicious, and we have to let one another win from time to time. I want to be able to laugh until the ugly laugh comes out – you know the laugh. The snort, the unable to breath, abs hurt, tears streaming – ugly laugh.

You have to have great eyes. This is not vanity. This is attentiveness. Your eyes will never leave me. They are glued to me like they touch me. You display affection to me and for me. I want it to be clear to all, you are delighted with me and I will be delighted with you. I want to look into your eyes to see your soul. Not pain, not ugly, but love.

You are a good father figure. You are an excellent role model. You show my kids how to treat a partner. You will love them. Not because you love me. Because you see what beautiful creatures they are and you respect them for it.

You want to travel. You want to see new places, new experiences, immerse in new cultures and try new foods. You want to be exposed to new ideas, places and things.

You are kind, but a little snarky. You have a big, soft, kind, and gentle heart. You will love poking fun at each other, together. Because we relish in the humanness of each other.

You are successful. You support yourself and you have already achieved a lot in your life. You are not jealous of me, you won’t mooch off me, and your proud of my success (and your own.) We will never fight about money and we share in making it. You will be ok with and understand that I need less physical stuff for show but a lot of stuff that means something to me. You would never ask me to dispose of it.

You are sexual. You love sex. With me. Just me. You will try new things. Because with each other it should be about us. Not our pasts. You won’t say no. Ever. And I am not talking about no not today I am really really tired. Sometimes we laugh, sometimes it is raw passion, sometimes it’s crazy dirty and sometimes it is soft and loving. You will take time to understand my body and how it works. Why, because you understand that she has had a lot happen to her and her sex life is connected to her emotions.

Honesty. Seems so trivial and not necessary to even write to you. But you aren’t scared of MY often unapologetic honesty and you aren’t scared to tell me the things that scare you. When I feel safe I can have emotional intimacy. I have never had emotional intimacy and I want someone who will be more comfortable about talking about their deepest being. We are a team.

You are so loving. You hold me. We hold hands. We listen to each other. We don’t judge. We support one another and never EVER tell the other person their ideas are stupid. We constantly lift each other up. We show our kids-and the whole world-this is healthy love. You never call me names. EVER. Even when we are mad sad!

You are smart. You challenge me to think bigger. You love music, art and movies. You would sit down and either listen to my musical musings or participate. You would always be down to a live venue – not for the night scene but the musical endeavor.

You will try to be better than you were before. You admit when you are wrong. You change and grow. You know that the word “therapy” is not a bad word.

You will disagree with me. Yes, please. But, you will do it respectfully. You will understand that every part of me is about verbally processing and my first thought (and words) may not be my last thought. I want to be heard and validated. I want to be given the freedom to talk.

When I am with you, I will not take you for granted. I want to love you so much, so surely, so clearly, that I would want to tattoo your initial on my left ring finger. If I ever feel that I can do that, you are the heart for mine.

If you are a planner of surprises, if you can use a drill, and if you’ll let me drive I might find these to be added bonuses.