He doesn’t know how to bond with me because someone in their past hurt them and I can overcome this with love and patience. Withholding intimacy is a standard abuse tactic to punish you for some offense you may be oblivious to committing. I can not tell you how many times in a few short years that my ex would withhold affection and intimacy. It can look many different ways:
- I can’t do that intimate act “I was burned with that one once before.”
- I can’t do that intimate act “I already been there done that.”
- Don’t touch me there.
- Only I can receive sexual acts – but I don’t give.
- I don’t like when you open your mouth – so I don’t want to be intimate.
- You look like a man.
- Immersed in porn and not in you.
- Wait you look at your ex online – the one that you swore you hated because (insert the 800 reasons he gives)
- He has an anger outburst and then needs to “comfort you” don’t be fooled its for himself. Often times it is a sudden need for a quicky. AND YES – it will be quick for him to get off and you my friend will lay there wondering what just happened.
- Love bombing — which can take the form of gifts, compliments, apologies, and grandiose promises to never repeat the abusive behavior — often follows these emotional attacks as a way to smooth things over. This includes sexual acts they wouldn’t typically engage in.
I have had all of these happen. I was never sure what I was getting when it came to our intimate life. I was afraid to “let go” and connect in a real way and today I know I was denying myself of a true relationship that I deserved.
Life Is Just A Soul Of Cherries 