Frustration

I have been trying to add a bedtime routine to reflect on my day and then leave those thoughts on the bedside table so I can sleep the best I can.

Here it is again…this reflection time continues to say – you have the gift of frustration and the deep sense that the world is a mess, and be thankful for that; not everyone has that gift of vision. It also means that you (talking to me) have a responsibility to lead in new ways. Recognizing that something is wrong is the first step toward changing the world.

I’m a hot mess as I humbly share this testimony of sorts with you. I meant to write a quick note hoping someone else might read this and be changed too.

Then, the great spirits moved my fingers to type. I’ve kept this struggle to myself. When I let pieces of it ooze out, I get odd looks. Then I hear my own words and realize other people are likely hearing, “I’m discontent.” And I get frustrated, because I am not.

I get frustrated that I can’t properly communicate all the incredible things that are happening. I get frustrated that I don’t know how to act on it. I get frustrated that I feel alone in this epic life changing experience. I get frustrated that so many people with so many resources (money, love, knowledge, time) are simply content in keeping it to themselves, while much of the world dies in need of all of it.

I get frustrated, so I give up. I shut up. I struggle quietly alone. And I forget that I’m not the only one. I forget that at least one of you reading this feels the same way. I forget that you need encouragement and support on this challenging path you’ve found yourself in–the courage to not give up.

I forget that change starts somewhere, even if it’s when I am frustrated and feel like I am the failing people. We can do big things through small offerings of ourselves.