Four Must Haves!

Have you ever been so unbelievably attracted to someone and you know you could never be with that person? Do you choose people you can’t have or who are emotionally unavailable? Where are we going with this? I have had the life sucked out of me and then some.

“I can’t live,” goes that songs, “if living is without you.” It sounds so tragic to say that losing affections would make life unlivable—but have you ever been in a relationship with someone whose survival truly seemed to depend on your love? Someone who sat around waiting for you to make life bearable, who threatened to commit suicide if you ever broke up? Or have you found yourself on the grasping side, needing your partner the way you need oxygen?

The emotion that fuels this kind of relationship isn’t love; it’s desperation. It can feel romantic at first, but over time it fails to meet either persons needs. I’m not talking about the wife who says I don’t know whenever you ask where they want to eat , or the husband who truly loves the company of their spouse…I’m talking the “need,” the person who sucks life and energy from you.

I’ll take these things any day over unhealthy needs:

1. Knowing yourself: Understanding your core values and non-negotiables. A good relationship can help support your (and other’s) personal growth and self-improvement.

2. Respect: Feeling valued and respected is a basic need we all have. You can show respect to in your relationships by accepting others for who they are, being willing to compromise when viewpoints differ, and sometimes just agreeing to disagree. Mutual respect in a relationship means that each person values and understands them. Pushes them to be better but knows when they can’t.

3. Support: Getting reassurance and encouragement from each other helps validate your experiences and encourages successful outcomes. Supporting each other helps to build confidence and overcome tough times.

4. Communication: Feeling comfortable sharing your opinions, without fear of judgment, and actively listening to the concerns are essential for building a trusting and open relationship. Communication should be a dialogue, a give and take, so that both people are heard and validated in their thoughts and feelings. Avoid guessing games, which can lead to misunderstanding and confusion.