Every stinking holiday!! When I remember holidays of the past, I think of stress. The image that comes to mind is everyone else laughing and having a great time, while I was miserable. I remember many holidays as a child and it was often magical and beautiful, but as an early adult, holidays equaled times of emotional abuse.
While I was married, the usual pattern for my ex was to work up my emotions right before we arrived at one of the parents’ house. He’d feign a misunderstanding or falsely accuse me of something or criticize me–whatever would upset me. By the time we arrived, I’d be on the verge of tears or I’d be angry. Then my parents would correct my bad attitude, my siblings thought I was a crazy mess and usually it felt or sure seemed like all of them would join against me in ruining the special day.
If your family treats you like a child, woah it’s sooooo easy to fall back into that role. I continually have to remind myself in the present day that I am in fact an adult with choices. I have caught myself in my waking mind thinking about the days of old when having an ally helped me feel more confident to walk away from poor treatment or to stand up to it. I have noticed that some family members may not be as likely to be abusive or disrespectful if you have someone with you who cares about you. Why the heck did all these things go on? They may not want a “witness” or anyone who would confirm how devaluing their treatment is. Others can’t even recognize their own patterns. Years of hiding abuse. It’s all of it mashed together to become the perfect storm of cause and effect!
When you are in a healthy place you start to find things to help combat others dysfunctions. So I will give you an example of my post abuse healing treasure I do for myself:
I sat at a family function not very long ago (pre-covid 2020 of course) where a certain person would not address me. Period. Then right at the very end and in a swoop coverall they said a very passive aggressive goodbye. It was painful and hurtful. I knew going into the event this was going to happen and I left the function feeling so frustrated/disgusted by this families image that they have crafted in their head. I knew! I knew I was going to feel all my feelings. So before I left my house that morning I had a backup plan. It was the perfect way to help the part of me that I knew would be missing from this event: nurturing. When I went home I had food prepared and ready to go after my 2 hour long trip. I needed to have that comforting and empowering interaction in my space to recharge after what often feels like soul sucking and emotionally draining interaction that only this family member tends to do for me. You can’t choose the invite list – you don’t have to miss out because they are in attendance either! In a healthy place you can find ways to lift your soul child to be free from the memories that hold her down from enjoying life.
Life Is Just A Soul Of Cherries 