Here I am struggling once again at the art of forgiveness. I am the person who will turn a blind eye just because “Everyone deserves a chance!” or “They had [insert implication] that they are working on!” I have been here before and I remember this feeling of desperately wanting to learn how to forgive. I quickly learn every time however what forgiveness is not. Most of us hold at least some misconceptions about forgiveness. So I always have to dig down deep to what the root was and here are some things that forgiving someone doesn’t mean:
- Forgiveness doesn’t mean you are excusing the other person’s actions.
- Forgiveness doesn’t mean you need to tell the person that he or she is forgiven.
- Forgiveness doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have any more feelings about the situation.
- Forgiveness doesn’t mean there is nothing further to work out in the relationship or that everything is okay now.
- Forgiveness doesn’t mean you should forget the incident ever happened.
- Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to continue to include the person in your life.
- … and forgiveness isn’t something you do for the other person.
Ugh! These are all so hard for me when I am immersed in a pained heart. A heart that is so fragile that even forgiveness feels like a loss not a win. It is my protection fortified by fear that is holding on to that tiny piece that I think needs my hand strongly over it like a shield. Why am I so afraid that the shell of me will crumble? Then I remind myself over and over again that by forgiving, you are accepting the reality of what happened and finding a way to live in a state of resolution with it. This can be a gradual process—and it doesn’t necessarily have to include the person you are forgiving. Forgiveness isn’t something you do for the person who wronged you; it’s something you do for YOU. So if forgiveness is something you do for yourself and if it can help you heal, why is it so hard?
Today I need to forgive myself first……
Life Is Just A Soul Of Cherries 